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May 17, 2007

Meetings about meetings

Hi. I'm so bored. I'm working on an ad for "handmade Oriental rugs" and have been ordered to replace "Iran" with "Persia" in a million different versions. How PC of Bloomie's. I'm just thinking that a Persian rug is not an Oriental rug, so the headlines in these ads are kind of misleading. Hmmm...I guess they must be okay with that as they run with that headline all the time. Maybe I should bring it up in a meeting...if the meeting is not about the having of the meeting, of course. It would have to be an actual meeting about rugs. But I don't think that'll ever happen and I have to evaluate the situation first anyway - to see if I care enough to care. Maybe I'll have a meeting about it - with myself. I'll let you know what the outcome of my meeting with me is. I'll probably just wake up with ink on my face and a pad full of doodles in front of me. I'll be sure to reprimand myself if that happens.

Wow... i'm delirious. I'm also hungry. What shall I eat today? Yesterday I had my heart attack lunch (grilled cheese with a side of bacon and a coffee). I'm allowed one heart attack lunch a week (this was decided in another meeting I had with myself).

My softball game was rained out yesterday so I went to get drinks with Darryl instead. Had 2 3/4 vodka tonics on an empty stomach so Ellen got an earful from me when I got home. Drunk Heatha=chatty Heatha. Ellen and I ate pasta and watched American Idol, which was okay. I like the final 2 being Blake and Jordin. Loved Melinda but those two are more interesting and Melinda will have a great recording career anyway. I think Jordin will win the whole thing, but I guess the ambiguously gay Blake could get votes from little girls AND big boys. You never know.

Seth called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that there was a Battlestar Galactica marathon on the Sci-fi channel. He was in the middle of taking care of Cece, who, incidentally, is crawling and starting to talk now! Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that Seth is an incredibly considerate and sweet boy, so I just wanted to give him a shout out!

Just looked at the clock. It's only NOON. Why is it that when I am at home putzing around, 9am becomes 4:30pm in an instant, but when I am stuck in an asbestos/cockroach-infested building in midtown, each minute lasts 4 centuries. It's just not fair. But I shouldn't complain because I am only here 3 days a week.

Okay...just discussed how many people we had available to play in tomorrow's Bloomingdale's softball game. That killed another 13 minutes. In case you were wondering, we have 6 people and need 9. I can't make it and if we have to forfeit this one, we are kicked out of the league. Tragic.

I obviously have NOTHING to say and yet I keep typing. I need help...and a grilled cheese, but I can't have another one this week. But maybe I can have it sans bacon? I will consult with myself about it.

Bye bye.

May 15, 2007

Orlando: not a shopping destination, apparently

Good day to you all. I woke up to the news that Donald Trump's Apprentice was not renewed for the fall and I have to say that I was very happy about it. The Donald used to amuse me and the show was once fun, but all of his obnoxious antics with Martha and Rosie really just made me think he was petty and incredibly uncouth. (I am not taking Rosie's side either, FYI, she is much smarter than Trump, but equally obnoxious and déclassé.) Plus, this past season the show became idiotic - people were forced to sleep in tents and really dumb, somewhat repetitive tasks were assigned to contestants. I guess the Mark Burnett peeps were looking for other jobs at the time and couldn't be bothered to come up with new ideas. Also, his decisions for firing people were completely arbitrary and made no sense at all. It reminded me of the judges' comments on American Idol - one day the tell contestants they shouldn't parrot what other artists have done with a song and the next day they tell contestants they should make the songs their own. But really...what in the hell should I expect from popular television? I have my Battlestar Galactica and that is all I need.

My Titans softball team lost our first game last week. It wasn't a horrible loss, but a loss is a loss. We certainly didn't bring our misery to the bar afterwards. Donna ordered up some lemon drop shots and all was well about 13 minutes later. Supposedly I am going to start pitching. I'm not sure if I'm terrified or excited about this turn of events.

So Sunday was Mother's Day and Angie and I went to Macy's to find her some dresses for 2 weddings she has to go to (one is cousin Pickle's wedding, and Angie is the Godmother of the bride, so, the dress had to kick ass). Anyhooo... we found two very nice pieces and then went to pay for them. I had gotten Angie a gift card to put toward the dresses and when we tried to use it there was a problem. Yaw, the sales associate at the register, called his manager, Jackie, and then Yaw, Jackie, Angie and I had to traipse through the store to get to the men's section where I bought the damn card. Sigh. Is nothing ever easy?? Anyway, after that we had dinner at Rodeo Bar and went to see Fracture at the movies. Angie had a couple of pinot grigio's in her and stopped dead in front of one of the movie posters on the wall and yelled, "What's this movie!? This looks good." She was looking at a poster for Forrest Gump. Have another, Angie! Haha. Anyway, I think she had a good time and Sal approved of her dresses when she got home, so all is right with the world.

Did I tell you all that Brian and I passed 95% of our tennis certification test? We just have to retake this small part. Unfortunately they don't offer the test until July so we'll have to wait until then. Vicky, have you informed Teresa of this yet?

Just had to interrupt this entry to attend the most ridiculous meeting ever. All I got from it was that in the South, plastic surgery is supposedly a status symbol and that South Americans weren't shopping in Orlando. What!? Oh lordy... what a waste of an hour of my life.

Alrighty then... have a good Tuesday.

May 07, 2007

Back from St. John

Hey kids! I’m back from St. John. Vicky, Paul and I had such a nice week. Paul snorkeled with the fishies much of the time and Vicky and I chilled out on boats and beaches, waded in pools, seas and hot tubs and drank more than our fair share of tasty concoctions. (These pictures might have you believe that our trip was sponsored by Heineken, but I assure you that it wasn’t. Actually, it was sponsored by Sandy Chapin and the B-team is forever grateful to her for her generosity.) I was cooked for and waited on by Paul and Vicky and there was always a full pitcher of pina coladas in the refrigerator. The temperature was in the mid 80s with limited humidity (no sweating – love it!) and it was sunny about 95% of the time. The 5% of the time it did rain, it frickin poured and awakened countless mosquitoes that subsequently feasted on Paul and me. (Not Vicky, for some reason… WTF, VK?) Paul actually spent about an hour killing mosquitoes that Vic and I pointed out to him one night. Thank God, or I would’ve come back even more speckled. As it is, my freckles have congealed into something resembling dirt on the bridge of my nose. I was pretty vigilant with the sunscreen, but there is nothing that can stop the freckles. Sigh. Anyway, the pics on here link to the whole album if you are interested in seeing more glamour shots of the gorgeous island.

What’s been going on? I could barely check email at the place where we stayed because there is one communal computer and the connection is beyond slow, so, sorry if I neglected any of you! I did get on to the internet a few times so I know that Paris Hilton was arrested, Derek Jeter’s been making a lot of errors (Babydaddy!) and Chris and Phil were voted off American Idol. Phew…good thing I know THOSE things. Speaking of American Idol, I was watching last week’s episode last night and guess what? I caught a very brief glimpse of myself! Remember that Bon Jovi video I was in where I was part of the staged crowd? (Just pretend you do.) Well, they showed a clip of it because Bon Jovi was the singers’ “mentor” last week. Too frickin funny. You can barely see me, but see below for the screen grab. I’m the shorter one holding the lower evil smiley face thingy. You can make out my big black watch and half of my face. So there you have it – I have 14min 59 seconds of fame left. Better get cracking…

Anyway, that’s the story and I will leave you with one of my favorite oxymorons: Happy Monday.

St. John pics:


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Honeymoon Beach=heavenly


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Waking up to this ain't so bad


B-Team rules!


Paul goes for a snorkel