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June 30, 2006

Pass the hat, A-Rod

That last entry was a long one...bet you're tired of looking at it. Well, since the last time we spoke nothing too eventful has happened, but I figured I'd check in, as I won't be around for a few days. Wrenched my back at softball practice on Monday, so was out of commission most of Tuesday. I don't know how people who have chronic back pain deal with it... wow. I had a few painkillers on hand from when my tooth was pulled about 4 years ago and the pain actually drove me to bust a couple of those suckers out. Anyway, the back is still sore, but it's manageable now. My bro and I went to the Yankee game on Wednesday...got seats from some scalper that were pretty damn good - left field just right of the foul post in a handicapped box (don't worry, we didn't take any poor handicapped person's seat...at least I don't think we did), so we had our own little folding chairs and all the leg room in the world. The Yanks were only able to tie it before we had to leave because I had to go to Brooklyn for softball practice. Being that my coach is a rabid Mets fan, I didn't think she'd take too kindly to me being late for Yankee-related reasons. I was correct in my assumption, FYI. Anyway, A-Rod eventually came through with a home run and I'm happy he saved the day. The poor dude's been getting so much crap lately. I mean, I guess it's because you should produce if you make a bazillion dollars a year, but the guy's only human, people...lay off. Of course, maybe for each game that players don't play well, they should give some money to the fans... you know, pass a hat around or something. Yeaaaah...that. Ugh...I can't breathe...I have some sort of head cold. Or maybe it's allergies. But I never have allergies. How do you know the difference? What else? Last night I watched Something New with Elron. It's about an uptight black accountant who falls for her bohemian white landscape architect. I liked the leads, but the movie was very choppy and the script was garbage. Wait until it's on the free On Demand channels to watch it, if you haven't already. So what is everyone doing for the holiday weekend? The unprecedented is occurring in LeoLand: Sal is closing the pizza store for THREE WHOLE DAYS. There will be people in Little Neck thinking that armageddon has arrived, fo sho. I'm leaving with Brian tomorrow morning for our Pocono place and the 'rents will follow on Sunday. It looks like the sun will be out and hopefully the flood waters will have receded in NJ and PA - poor soggy souls dealing with a lot of crap out there. It should be an interesting few days. I hope you all have a great time, whatever you do. I'll catch up with you when I get back.

June 26, 2006

Baby Invasion

Good morning, it's your friend, SLACKER-ASS. Please refer to me as such from now on. I CAN update a website when I have a full-time job, but apparently, I CANNOT stop sitting around watching dust gather for long enough to type a paragraph or 10...or 13 (how many days has it been??) while unemployed. A few things have happened since I last typed. I won't remember anything in proper order, except for maybe what happened this weekend, so bear with me. (IS IT BARE OR BEAR?!? Someone tell me for once and for all. I don't feel like looking it up right this second...see, I told you - SLACKER-ASS.) ANYWAY, let's see...Vicky, BFF and I joined Jenny, Steph, Mace and some other kind souls for an evening of music in Prospect Park a couple of weeks ago. Maceo Parker was playing, and if you haven't figured it out by now, Maceo Crump is named after Mr. Parker. It was a stellar evening under the stars, complete with a surprise appearance by PRINCE. Can you even? Later in the week - softball and games with Ellen, Sally and Cleo in Pelham. (Oh, and fyi, Ellen was psyched that we saw Topher Grace buying a ticket for Metro North - CELEBS, THEY'RE JUST LIKE US - THEY BUY TRAIN TICKETS - but she wasn't able to enjoy her sighting because she was in a smackdown with her ticket agent. I'm still not sure who won. Topher was looking rather snazzy with blonde highlights, I must say.) Holy aside...you guys following? Ok, still talking about Pelham...SO...after a delicious dinner and a Sound Of Music sing-a-long or three, it was back to NYC for Ellen and me. This entry is gonna be long...maybe I should use PARAGRAPHS...OR AM I TOO LAZY FOR THAT?

NO! Fight the power. I spent the next day in Little Neck for Father's Day. Hung out in the pizza store for most of the day and noshed on steak with the 'rents at ONE IN THE MORNING because Sal and Angie were too polite to tell the visiting neighbors that we hadn't eaten dinner yet. Oh well...the steak was still fabulous, even at that hour, and I do believe that Sal was a happy father - at least for the day, so we did our job.

Last Wednesday my Titans softball team took on Crescendo in Prospect Park and we ROCKED the house. Donna pitched like Mariano, we won 4-2 and I even scored myself a nice war wound tagging out some girl at third. (Yes - I GOT TO PLAY 2ND AND THIRD (at different times, Ellen.)) The hand is healing up real good and shit, in case you were wondering...or weren't, bastards - not YOU...you. That's right, you.

Now, onto the babies. FIRST OF ALL - Dana had Cecelia via C-section on Monday, June 19th. I suspect they're singing the no-sleep blues right now but I'll try to get an update sometime soon! (Dana, what will I do without you on email all the time!?!?) What I DO know is this: the kid and Dana are doing well and Seth is looking like a hot dad in the pic below - look OUT Nick Lachey...seriously. And Dana, that pic is just gorgeous - you took it, no?

Wow, this entry is sounding dangerously like one of those unsolicited newsletters that acquaintances or distant family members send out. Maybe if I add more expletives, it will make it less hokey. Yeah...and maybe Ben Affleck will grow a brain.

Ok...not done with the babies yet. (These segues just keep getting better and better.) This past Saturday, I headed out to Oradell, NJ to Mike and EarthMother Carol's house (she looked all hippie and preggers when I saw her) to bum a ride to Quinn's christening. We hung out and watched every movie EVER, EarthMother treated me to a pedicure, we ordered Chinese food and then went to a North Bergen biker bar to listen to Carol's cousin and friend's band. We left deaf but happy and headed to Philly 5 hours later for the event. We endured an already bitter, just-ordained priest's account of everything he did this past month (EVERYTHING) and then watched Quinn get dunked into the water. The reception was fun and it was great to see the always entertaining and hilarious Shields family (oh and the food was excellent, Kate, just so you know). FYI - there were one meeeeeeeeelllllion kids there. Yeah, I am exaggerating a tiny bit, but the kids definitely outnumbered the adults 42:1. WARNING: It's only a matter of time before they realize this and take control...all they need is a ringleader and I know it's gonna be Annie "El Niño" Shields, for sure. INSERT YOUR OWN DAMN SEGUE HERE. Was back in the city last night, updated this thing and that's the story. Riveted? I'll stop now before I start talking trash like that priest. Too late...I know. WHATEVER. Amen.

June 12, 2006

Bury me with a hunk of Gruyère

Good Tuesday to you all. Sorry I did not regale you with tales of my weekend yesterday. I was ever so busy having ONE thing to do. I finally went to the doctor for my yearly physical and so I could get the prescription for my cholesterol meds. Si, amigos, I have high cholesterol. Many of you know this. It's genetic, alright, so layoff the 'stay away from cheeeeeeese' talk. Cheese will always be in my life. I want to be buried with a hunk of Gruyère. So there. Anyway, yes...that's the thing I did yesterday that prevented me from doing ANYTHING ELSE. Oh, but I sort of organized my closet and got rid of a few things that I was keeping 'just in case'... ie. these jeans I have that I was holding on to 'in case I ever painted again and needed something junky to wear' and these ugly pale blue bellbottom jeans with an 8 inch fly 'in case I ever go to a 70s party.' What?! I am such a loser. ANYWAY, my weekend was most eventful. Had a nice dinner with the softball girls in Brooklyn on Friday and then went to see The Break-Up with Ellen. It was kind of an uneven movie but basically ok. Jen and Vince made the most out of their characters but I think the story was kind of depressing and almost TOO TRUE to life, if that's possible. Lighthearted romantic comedies shouldn't be dark, right? Maybe that was the problem I had with it...it was neither indie nor mainstream...my subconscious mind couldn't make sense of it. Saturday morning, I got up at the crack of dawn to watch England beat Paraguay at this sports bar in the West Village. You see, my good friend Anna is English and Saturday was her birthday, so beers at 9am were called for. I walked home, ate half of a 12-inch meatball sandwich from Subway, or, Subway Restaurants, as Vicky says Jared calls them, enjoyed a 4 HOUR NAP (is it really a nap if it's four frickin' hours long?) and then ate the other half of the sandwich before heading back to Brooklyn to celebrate Anna's birthday FOR REAL. Finally got to bed around 3:30am and then headed BACK to Brooklyn for softball practice at 9:15am. Finished about 1pm and headed directly to Riverside Park to celebrate Will Drummy's 1st birthday!!! Bill and Will looked dashing in their Hawaiian tourist garb and Ms. Barrie was in full hostest-with-the-mostest mode. Among other people, I met a truckload of really cool kids, some of whom you'll see in the pictures here, and a wonderful woman named Dot. Trekked home and took ANOTHER nap before gorging on bacon and eggs (a great meal to have before having your cholesterol tested) and took in a bit of the Tony Awards (a bizarre TV choice for me...don't ask). Then - back to bed. I think I've got this sleeping thing DOWN, FYI. What else? Well, the US World Cup team got its ass kicked yesterday by the Czech Republic. So sad...hopefully they'll beat Italy. Angelina and Brad are back in the states - joy. Did I tell you all that celebrities have been infiltrating my dreams as of late? It's pathetic. I try to steer clear of celebrity gossip but it finds me no matter what. In my dream, a nine-year-old kid with a black mohawk (Maddox?) was explaining to me that the guest room in their house in Namibia did not have a mosquito net and so the bugs would be crawling around me as I slept. I wasn't happy about it. In a more disturbing dream, Tom Cruise committed suicide. Horrible, no? Only I didn't see Tom in the dream... everytime someone referred to his suicide, an image popped up of a burnt piece of pizza on a paper plate sitting on the blacktop roof of a city apartment building. If you can analyze that dream for me, I'll buy you a drink. In other news, Ellen just informed me that the guy who lives upstairs from us dropped his glasses in the toilet. She knows this because we can HEAR EVERYTHING that goes on up there in that bathroom. It's tragic. I mean, we know more about this dude's gastrointestinal difficulties than he probably does, what with the pipe echo and all. Gross...I'm grossing myself out. On that note, I will depart. Enjoy the day.

June 09, 2006

15 hours and counting

Hey, people with jobs - IT'S FRIDAY!!!! Yeah! O.M.G. I have to confess - I spent THE. ENTIRE. DAY. in front of this computer screen. What did I do? Not much. I basically resized photos, downloaded them and played on MySpace all day. I created a MySpace page for Sal's Pizza and added a slideshow to my MySpace page, which I've tacked on to this site, since the majority of you aren't on MySpace. (Stop acting your age, would ya?) So, yeah... I've been sitting here for...ohhhh...about 15 hours, give or take a few bathroom breaks, an attempt at making a softboiled egg (not completely disastrous) and various trips to the pantry in search of something to snack on (relatively unsuccessful). My near-death state has improved to walking-wounded, and I think I'll be okay to play softball later on today - pray for no rain. I'm listening to what sounds like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants coming from the other room and thinking this: What did they call that movie when it was released in the U.K.? (If you don't know this already, the word pants refers to underwear in the U.K.) The Sisterhood of the Traveling Underwear. Hmmmm. Anyway, bowing to the gods of sense and logic, United States Tennis Association is finally going to use instant replay at this summer's U.S. Open. Well, it's about bloody time. If ANY damn sport should be using instant replay, it's tennis. I wonder what Mr. McEnroe will have to say about this. I don't know whether going to 'the tape' would have proven his obnoxious ass right or wrong back in the day. In other news, J.K. Rowling was voted Britain's greatest writer. Hmmm. I am inclined to disagree. I mean, the Harry Potter stuff was fun, but come on - greatest writer? And besides, I think the first book did the job...the sequels, yawn. But what do I know? I'm blogging for an average of 17 people a day. Ms. Rowling has reached millions. But do her fans know how whether she can cook a soft-boiled egg and what she's done with her day? I think NOT. I am much more in touch with my public. I wouldn't trade that for all of Britain's best writer accolades! Yeeeeeeah. Okay, I am babbling like a freak. I'll leave you to your weekends. Oh, FYI - DANA MIGHT OFFICIALLY BE A MOM COME MONDAY!

June 07, 2006

NyQuil, how much do I love thee?

Good morning, lovelies! I'm writing this Wed. at 1:35am. I've taken my NyQuil and am waiting for it to kick in. I am still sick, but my insurance crap has finally been sorted out and I will finally see the doctor tomorrow. Thank God. I was able to leave the house for a few hours on Monday night to attend the World Hunger Year (WHY) annual dinner. It was, as it usually is, a very interesting time. WHY'S very own Sandy Chapin was an honoree, as was DMC of RUN-DMC fame, who treated us with his hip-hop cover of Harry and Sandy Chapin's hit song, "The Cat's in the Cradle." DMC also did a rendition of "Walk this Way", which prompted the sea of conservatively-dressed folks to get up and get their grooves, and in some cases, their overbites, on. Good times. Today I set up a MySpace page for Ellen...I'm determined to drag her into the 21st century. Check it out if you get a chance. You'll also notice that Miss Ellie is a contributor in the current issue of Brides magazine. More details below. Dana - are you out there? What did the doc say? When is the baby coming!? Oooh, did anyone watch the Yankee game last night vs. the Red Sox? Melky Cabrera made this insane catch to prevent the Sox from tying the Yanks in the 8th inning. Holy random digression...still with me? I think that's my cue...the NyQuil is starting to work its magic. Vicky and BFF are journeying to England tomorrow night - Bon Voyage, my loves, though I'm sure I'll speak to you before you leave. Starting to see double now, so I will depart. Have a wonderful Wednesday.

June 05, 2006

Namibians Heart Golf

Well, I won't bore the few of you who log on to my blog with details of my weekend or my sick state, because I'm sure we've already spoken and you are well aware that our healthcare system is currently screwing me big time with red tape and inefficiency. Thank you for your concern, best wishes and chicken soup offers...it's nice to know that I have friends who care about whether I'm alive or dead. It's interesting to note that it is probably easier to score heroin in this city than it is to get some antibiotics. What. Eva. Since I spent the entire weekend on our lumpy futon, I have no interesting stories to relate. And so, let us turn to the available celebrity news. 1. Sylvester Stallone turned 60 years old! Holy crap... When did those Rocky movies come out? Or, to rephrase the question - when were tapered sweatpants all the rage? 2. Hilton and Richie's The Simple Life premiered last night. Does anyone watch that garbage? I have to say, I'm oddly fascinated by those two idiots. I just cannot believe that they can be that ridunculous. 3. I never watch The Sopranos but I caught the last 10 minutes of the finale last night and it sucked. Nobody died...nothin'. I guess I will just wait until the last 10 minutes of the series finale to watch it again. 4. Jennifer Aniston's movie The Break-Up was #1 at the box office this weekend. Thank God...I don't know how much more Jen could take if her movie bombed, what with Sunamisaharasuriukelele Jolie-Pitt's birth getting all the headlines and all. Speaking of Namibians, did you know that golf is all the rage in Namibia now? People play in the sand dunes and shit. No joke. I can't remember where I read it but it's true. 5. Snorefest alert: Minnie Mouse look-a-like Sandra Bullock and the most boring actor in the universe, Keanu Reeves, have a new movie coming out about 2 people living at some lake house seemingly at the same time, but...not...there are two years between them and, thus, they can't seem to connect even though they are, alas, perfect for each other. You can bet that that movie is going to be all kinds of illogical, since Hollywood can't seem to come up with plots that make sense when characters exist during the same time period. Speaking of bad movies, Ellen and I saw a particularly horrific train crash of a film last night - The Perfect Man, Starring Hillary Duff, Heather Locklear and Chris Noth. Okay, Okay, You can't expect much from such a cast, but I was at least expecting a good cheesefest. It was reallllly realllllllly bad. And Heather Locklear should untuck some of her eyelids because her face is starting to look scary. I am trying to think of something nice to say re: Hollywood because I'm being so negative, but I cannot. Oh well.