« The Weekend and Wanda Sykes | Main | Feel Free To Shake Your Stick at EVERYTHING »

Soap Opera

Late today, because my laundry was trapped in the cellar of my building. Sooooo annoying. First of all, the laundry room closes at 9pm. Since it takes 30min to wash and 45min to dry - oh geez, can't do math this early - the point: you have to be home from work and have all of your quarters ready (which takes at least 10min if you have to search jacket pockets and couch cushions) by like, 7:30. Dang. Who gets their shit together by then if you are working some dumbass cubicle job? Not me. Not ever. Except for last night. And what happens when the stars align? One of 'em blows the hell up. That's right. I'm all happy with myself. The laundry is going, it'll be done by nine. Good times. So I go to get it at 8:45pm and one batch is still wet in the dryer. Muthaf&*#%a, I say to self and to the stupid green sheets. I put more time on the dryer, thinking, I did this once before and nobody came down to order me out of the room. I try to come back down and nope - the elevator won't go to the cellar, and there are no stairs to use. (Now I KNOW there is another way down there, I just have to explore the bowels of the building and find out. Those secretive landlord peeps got nothin on this bitch. I've seen the Goonies, like, 57 times. I know my underground secret passageways and pirate booty shit.) I'll find that damn door. It's a fire hazard anyway. I'm calling the Board of Health and Safety and Wellbeing AND your mother. And YES, Vicky, all of this IS worth it and I will NOT have someone else wash my clothes. NO ONE does my laundry but me. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a butler. Time to write some scintillating copy on Kluft Handrafted Luxury Mattresses. Have a lovely Tuesday.


TrackBack URL for this entry:

Hosted by Yahoo! Web Hosting


you tell Cy Yung Jeeves I said so!

i'm not even going to say it....but i am shaking my head.

Post a comment