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Open for Business

Okay, it's a ghost town in this city. It took me two tries to even get into work. First, my usual entrance was closed and then I was informed that the elevators were by card access only today. Of course I have no card and don't know anyone's extension, so the security girl was like, "You cudjust wait, you know. 'Til you, like, see someone you know?" Monday...monday...La la La la la la la. Remember that song? No, you probably don't. I hitched a ride with the Betty Boop look-a-like from the art department. She didn't even KNOW she was giving me access. Awwww yeah. So what IS up with Bloomingdale's being open today when the whole damn city is closed? MMMMhmmmm. Bloomingdale's hates black people...Kanye told me, but I didn't believe it. Watch my ass get sued now. (I'm just kidding. And I don't even work here, so I don't speak for Bloomingdale's. There, am I covered? My lawyer friends...?) So I'm reading Wanda Sykes this morning and let me just say that everyone should be required to read a Sykes excerpt every damn morning. I'm cracking up on the train and everyone (yeah, everyone meaning 3 people and a small dog because it's a GODDAMN HOLIDAY TODAY) is staring. Here's some of it:

The mantra of the majority of my friends who have kids is, "Kids...they are a lot of work, but they are worth it." However, I've noticed that whenever they say this, they never look you in the eye during the "but they are worth it" part. Usually they're looking down at the ground, past you, or up to the sky to ask God to forgive them for that lie they're telling. Watch 'em, they never look you in the eye... You can feel resentment. They hate that you're out there in the world running free. One friend got pissed that I was going on a little vacation.

PARENT: Where are you going?
ME: Jamaica
PARENT: Jamaica. Are you celebrating something?
ME: Naw, just gotta few days free, so thought I'd get away.
PARENT: Free days! Uh-huh. Ya know, we started to go to Jamaica, but Jimmy needed braces. Jimmy! Come over here, boy, smile and show Ms. Wanda, Jamaica. If you put your ear to his mouth you can hear the ocean. Kids... they are a lot of work (head to the sky, tears rolling down), but they are worth it.

Hee hee... found that hilarious. No offense to my preggers friends or those who already have kids. I just KNOW that Cricket felt this way with us, so it cracked me up. Anyhooooo...so how were everyone's weekends? You're probably still celebrating the WEEKEND because it is a HOLIDAY. Maybe if I type loud enough the injustice police will come and shut this joint down. Friday night was a good time... (As I am typing this I am thinking, what the hell did I do Friday night?) Okay, I can't remember. Maybe it will come to me later. Saturday was a 19-hour brunch with Paul and Vicky at Public, land of the pod-people, where they serve botox with their bearnaise sauce (you didn't miss anything, Elron). We got a free round of drinks for no reason, so our nice afternoon buzz kicked in and we stopped wondering if they were going to lock us in the basement at the end of our meal and force us to have toxins injected into our faces. Weird-ass staff. When we got there at 2pm or whatever, the hostess stared at us and said (very slowly), "Are you...here for brunch?" What else would we be there for? There's definitely some secret shit going on at Public. Faw Sho. Vicky and I no speakee exclusive hipster lingo, so we'll probably never know what the deal is. Paul might have figured it out but I don't think he was awake yet at that point. After the pod-people, we went to Merc Bar, where I had a lovely dirty Martini, courtesy of BFF's friend, Jen (that's her name, yes? BFF?). Later, we ended up at 119 and had THE GREATEST TIME EVER, as per usual. Danced rather aerobically for 2 hours straight and my neck is still sore from the headbanging. A girl's gotta get her exercise somehow. Yesterday...did nothing. Bought some healthy food (and by healthy, I mean, I bought Sun Chips instead of Doritos), watched TV and churned out 5 pages of the screenplay. Dat's about it. OH... duh. Friday I met Anna and Donna at this cool bar in Tribeca called i-bar. Good times, great mac and cheese, lots of fun English girls. We went to the bar at the Tribeca Grand to check out the "beautiful" people, but they turned out to be boring. (SURPRISE!) We were over it after one drink. Somehow I decided I would WALK home after that. 2.4 frickin miles at 1 in the morning. Necessary? Well, I guess it's all part of my exercise routine. Who needs a gym? Just go to bars that are really far from your home, dance for hours and then hoof it back. Good times.

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Comments

Neva on purpose, Hubbard. Neva. Ask Vicky. And we were just scouting that shit out for next time. We know 'xactly where to sit and all that.

faw sho that was one of the funniest things i read eva. heatha dancing rather aerobically for 2 hours at 119? i can only picture it ;) CAN NOT believe you went to public AND MERC!was that on purpose. i think it twas.
fine fine fine. i hope i can recover.

The injustice of it all is not escaping me. I, too, am at work. I was wondering this morning as it took me 10 minutes less to get here and there was NO TRAFFIC what the heck was going on. Alas, Martin Luther King Jr. day will not close Puresyn.

I get NO paid holidays this year, not even Presidents day as they are all during the latter part of the year when I will be on mat. leave.

God, I hope kids are worth it.....

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