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Chakra-kahn, Let me rock you.
Let me rock you, Chakra-kahn

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Yoga isn’t really all that bad after all. In fact, it’s pretty damn cool! I went last night for the first time. Basics class with Jen at Laughing Lotus. At first, I was creeped out because it was everything I had expected – very quiet people slithering around looking dazed…soft pink and green walls…just a general feeling of - did I just step into someone’s acid trip? The girl at the counter was nice. Quite alien-like, but nice. I guess when you are sitting behind a pink desk in a room that is dimly lit all day, you forget about the planet you live on. Okay, I’ll lay off the calm, gentle nature of the yogi people…they were friendly. So we did all the stretching… dogs, cats, lobsters, hearts, warriors—everything was present. Blocks and belts and blankets and lots of talk of Krishna…hmmm, that description sounds a little S&M – well, let your mind take you where it may. It is Wednesday, after all. Jen kept bringing up cows, which I found hilarious, but I don’t think she was trying to make a joke, which I found tragic. Stretching was great, there were other people in there that were as inflexible as I (not the girl next to me, of course…she was so goddamn flexible, she had to pull her hands back up in order to touch her feet) and I really liked all the movement. I had one issue with the whole experience: THE CHANTING. Weird and cultish. I’m sorry, J-Po, but while I am all about getting in touch with my inner Shakira, it’s a tiny bit bizarre. It was all I could do not to laugh, but I kept it together. I’ll try to get over it. AND, a very informed source has told me that there are other places where the chanting is quite limited, so it’s all very promising. So that’s that. I was WIRED last night when I returned from this experience. Ellen can attest to this. Not sure if it was from the yoga itself or the coffee my mouth wanted afterwards. Yes, I know…not very healthy…whatever. Went to bed at 3:30am and then was up at 7am – WIRED, again. WTF? Obviously my body is like, DUDE, what is UP with the EXERCISE? I’ll probably crash at about 2pm today. But later – BOXING again! All of this is very fun! Makes me wish I lived in the 19th century and all I was expected to do was make sure I was well-rounded – you know, spend the days like the Jane Austen peeps did – painting and writing and reading and singing and playing the harpsichord or whatever… of course, I probably wouldn’t be allowed to do boxing… Hmmm. So did everyone hear that Donald Trump is suing the writer of TrumpNation: The Art of Being The Donald for defamation? He’s suing the guy for $5 billion dollars. Guess why? Because the book uses three unnamed sources who said Trump is not remotely close to being a billionaire. How hilarious is that? I’m suing you for $5 billion dollars because you said I wasn’t a billionaire. What a waste of time and TAXPAYER money! MY money… my $250! I’m going to sue Trump. Donald, I’m suing your non-billionaire ass because you are lame and obsessed with your fortune. WHO CARES! Only Trump. Does he seriously believe people will think any more or less of him because of a few zeros. He is rich… after talk of a few million, if that, the average person turns the page, takes a bite out of his Mickey D’s burger and tells his friend he’s going to the Giants game with his brother-in-law on Saturday. Trump, GET OVER YOURSELF. Back to the happy place…back to yoga planet… hands to the heart, and breathe… I’ve found my Shakira. Thy will be done, Krishna.

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